I suit up and head downstairs. At the door to the building, there is a man standing outside with an umbrella. He asks if I have any money I could give him in order to get a sandwich. I didn't... in cash. ATM card was a go. This would hopefully be my escape; I wanted to get my coffee and cookie and get out of the rain. Didn't want to talk to anyone, especially this guy who was asking me for money in front of my office building.
Seriously: why doesn't he just get a job somewhere and leave me alone or ask someone else. I don't want to be bothered with this right now.
Truthfully, that's how we feel most of the time. We don't wake up every single day thinking about how we can give something. We feel moved to every now and then and when we feel moved for whatever reason, we act, but most times, we don't wake up thinking, "How can I be super-super-duper generous today!!!"
I certainly didn't. Especially that day.
I was about to walk away when he said, "I don't need money or anything, I'm just hungry and I want food."
@#$%$%! I was almost scot-free, but now this. I can't say, "Well, I don't have money for that..." when every store on the block takes check cards. I really don't feel like....
"In the least you've done it to the least of these..."
"God, really....?"
"I'm just sayin'..."
I walked to the gyro shop. At this point, all manner of ugly thoughts reared their ugly head. I mean all kinds.
- "Maybe if I sit in here long enough, he'll get bored or something and go away..."
- "I could just buy the cheapest whatever on this menu. He should be happy I bought anything at all..."
- "Why right now....?"
While these things ran through my mind, I did the completely counterintuitive thing and ordered a chicken wrap (brackets are thoughts).
"Would you like anything else?"
[No, I wouldn't] "Yes, I would like some fries, too."
"Okay, sir, will that be all? Would you like a drink?"
[...] "No, that will be all thanks."
"Your total is..."
The receipt had a tip line. Hadn't I already spent enough getting the food in the first place. I didn't feel like leaving one, but I just divided the total by half and rounded up to the nearest dollar.
"Oh wow! We appreciate that!"
[Whatever]
Minutes passed. Maybe he left. The food came and I left with it. Back outside in the rain to a man that simply said, "Hey buy me food."
I didn't even stop long enough to hear his brief thank you as he analyzed what he wanted as I was now free to get my coffee and, after a small exchange with the baristas, I went back to the office. The man was gone by then. Probably eating the food. Whatever, what happened happened. I had my coffee and he wasn't hungry. Fine.
Later that day, I thought about the situation. What did I learn? Well, it's something like this: be ready in and out of season.
God could have waited until I was in a better mood to present me with that. He didn't. He could have just waved a magic wand over me and made my mood better. He didn't. He could have given me a sunnier day with warmer weather. He didn't and the reason why is because it doesn't matter.
Giving isn't about the situation or your mood, but the content of your heart. It's about doing things even when they are inconvenient for you; doing the good thing when the good thing doesn't feel good. I get no gold stars for doing that; God sees it as common fare.
Ha... I actually prayed "God, reward me for this foolishness." Why? Because doing things like that makes me feel dumb. Period. Buying food for random strangers and all this. Who does that? Most christians I know don't do that.
His reward: wisdom. He decided to talk to me and teach me something. No, not a booming voice in the sky. Yes, a thought distinct from my own normal thoughts. Had my voice, but His words.
"Maybe the reward isn't necessarily something in heaven. Maybe your reward was me giving you the opportunity to care about someone other than yourself for a moment."
Pow! At the same time, it's true. God loves us enough to keep us from being needlessly selfish. If we are going to thrive as people -- let alone christian people -- then I would think we would need to take in the things and PEOPLE around us along with everything else. God won't let me die in a drawer where I am the center of the universe as long as there are other people to be loved...
...and as evidence that day, He will generously sprinkle my path with people to love so I can practice practice practice being a little more selfless. I think that was a decent tradeoff.
Today it's sunny out. I'm in a fiesty, not-as-depressed mood. I can almost guarantee no one will ask me for anything now because it would be too easy, then again...
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